Cosmos

by Andrew Huang

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1.
03:42
i’m a cannonball, neanderthal in camouflage, on adderall make the room bounce like it’s racquetball make a racket, y’all, i’m coming back to drawl a brain in the bathtub preserve it by splashing some alcohol the rest of me’s left in this padded stall ‘cause i’m going, i’m over niagara falls my caterwaul reaching the ether blues then peacing and resting in betelgeuse i’m riding this hypervelocity star i don’t know what you regular people do step into my office, it’s an ocean view fitted with rockets i’ll go to the top but who knows for how long if i just keep knocking myself off it i live in my own shadow fighting a palace the size of cloud and making your bones rattle gripping the system and riding it loud it’s villainous how i’m killing this the illest - do your due diligence my voice in the mix like a wolf tearing the throat out these novice ventriloquists i’m doing this like i’m trying to get sick of it and i’m not even a little bit i’m the dissonance in your unwillingness ’til i finish it, doing this ’til there’s just no more no word, no sound, no style until then, every single last one of you knows that i’m amping to go wild well could it be, could it be i’ll keep on walking so light it up, look at me ‘cause i’m not stopping, no they can’t cage me they don’t phase me well could it be, could it be i’ll keep on still repping toronto a link in the chain but almost beyond those ‘cause i’m trying to elevate all of us up to the cosmos i don’t network, but i get work i take work, i can make work and i play first, and i don’t need nods from venomous girls in their fake fur i’m taking you all the way saying what you don’t have balls to say guess as a feminist i'll have to say i’m saying what you don’t have vag to say we live in a backwards age some people can’t even get past the name well if i get higher than highnesses you can just call me your majesty where my kings and my queens your crowns, bring them to me got you in a scaffold to a black hole yes i’m bringing you deep ’til you wake and everything was a dream ’til you turn into something with some meaning tearing the fabric of all your reality better do more than just cling to the seams eye of the needle we’ve been painting this parable up on your easel preach to the people, it’s easy to turn mediocre to evil so fast, so cinch, so close, so vile so i go hard, go real, go far, go wild well could it be, could it be i’ll keep on walking so light it up, look at me ‘cause i’m not stopping, no they can’t cage me they don’t phase me well could it be, could it be i’ll keep on
2.
03:33
there’s no vision through the haze now had my own kind of shakedown 1979 could have been good under weather, hunting unknown pleasures sort of maybe courted a disorder i’ll be sober when it’s the day of the lord, or maybe not she’s lost control with me still looking so pretty in the wilderness, in the shadowplay running thisaway, smoking thataway i remember nothing, i see in black and grey redacted, my whole saturday i never want to land - it’s my lucky day baby had a pill, gave a half away you know what they say when anne hath a will anne hathaway yeah i've been collecting mistakes speed it up i don't put on the brakes heathens and hedonists heating this scene i've been heeding a life on the heap and a soul in the flames on the heels of a good run get lucky, i did it for good fun been hesitant heaving these heavens with better friends ever since irrelevant when i'm self-medicating but good as hell with a cadence they’ve been telling me patience try transcendental meditation well i go mental in silence i could end up in asylums i’ve been spineless, mindless hocking these jewels but finding there’s always some rough in the diamonds yeah i've made some mistakes and i carry these scars the shadow on my face and the weight in my heart i'm dreaming of the places i'd rather be always dreaming of the places i'd rather be i've been on too long, no sleep been going strong but feel so weak trying find the bullseye on all my bullshit and just blast it, not trying to pull punches but do pull hits, out of anything, anywhere yes i’m the culprit yes i’ve been corporate guess i’m the bandit they stuck to guns well i never banned it i’m never landed i’m chasing hooks beats are rampant had stages booked all around the world my feet are calloused been stacking bandwidth been snapping candids with rabid fans in four corners all that’s left is atlantis but damnit i can’t find my self anywhere on this planet but i keep cruising yeah i've made some mistakes and i carry these scars the shadow on my face and the weight in my heart i'm dreaming of the places i'd rather be always dreaming of the places i'd rather be
3.
03:53
the deeper i go, the more that i know the more i know there is to find the flame is there, so why are we scared of the things we try to hide so i'll wait for you long as you need long as i know you'll be with me there's so much more that we haven't seen i want to know you i want to know you and i'm hoping that you want it and i'm hoping that you know the closer we get, the more i want it you possess my heart and soul so don't be afraid, don't keep me away from the things i want to know 'cause i'll wait for you long as you need long as i know you'll be with me there's so much more that we haven't seen i want to know you i want to know you and i'm hoping that you want it and i'm hoping that you know we could just be fools in love do you trust me, darling? though i don’t know much of anything i know i will be true and i know you i want to know you more and i'm hoping that you want it and i’m hoping that you know
4.
04:26
by the time i get you all alone you’ve been drinking and smoking looking for someone to take you home you don’t know where you’re going i’m back on those 3am nights feeling so right keeping you warm ’til you up and take flight i’ve been addicted to you vicious, it’s true but nothing i ever do makes it right i’m gone i’m under this dark, i’m gone no matter how far you go or how close you stay by the time i get you all alone you’ve been crying and coping looking for someone to hold you close you don’t know where you’re going i’m gone and lost in the night i’m back on that jealous, that void you’re out with some boy we didn’t make promises but the rest is just noise to me i’ve been alone in this dark hid from the stars get too far gone when i know you’re too far to see i’m gone i’m under this dark, i’m gone no matter how far you go or how close you stay by the time i get you all alone you’ve been drinking and smoking i need to slow down looking for someone to take you home you don’t know where you’re going i need to slow down by the time i get you all alone you’ve been crying and coping i need to slow down looking for someone to hold you close you don’t know where you’re going i need to slow down i’m gone and lost in the night
5.
02:29
yeah, now i’ve seen behind the curtain seen in the mirror i’m more animal than person certain i’m dealing hurt with no attrition repeat the same mistakes but always wishing i was different and i hit it hard, that rock bottom that lost cause with that trough softened that broad got him that job propping that jaw dropping i stop talking i’m caught i try to give them something real now we’re dealing with the way i really feel i try to give them something real all they wanna tell me is i’m so far away from healed shining bright despite all this artificial light i'm holed up in this night hold up, how'd you think i write so boxed in i can't move i can't breathe i can't hear i can't see i can't speak my mind this time, i do it differently because evidently it's a spirit can't be crushed and there's still a few people who believe paralyzed always looking for another pair of eyes i know myselves i know that i don’t know where to find that real heart, tin man where to start, to begin again i justify this rust of lies i’m crushed and trying to move, scared to part scared to death i’m losing it more kinds of vices, i’m using it all my devices profuse with shit that i can’t wrap up and refuse to quit make mad passes, slash gashes bat masterfully, 4 hon average ty cobb on a wax planet i drop dry gobs of it off atlantis underwater, no disadvantage that’s underground, with more apparatus so i can breathe in the coldest blackness major leagues, i swim with blackfish mvp - most vast practice true perception, i’m done asking for the cognizants, i cut classics stay real, fuck status
6.
i was born with freedoms but we all inherit the baggage all inherit the madness of culture and soul ravaged and there’s only so much that heals with time’s passage and anyway i’d rather take action than an adage blending in with the sharks that i’m swimming with learned to play nice with the great whites raising civil kids who can’t seem to recognize privilege and my mission is i’m just trying to build a bridge with my sisters and brothers of other colors with the promise of being free and unencumbered they throw us shade in the day and out the lights when the sun is under forcing us to come in numbers so now there’s riots for rights, minors are dying tonight coolies’ american dreams are featuring china at night some came to work for a living, some didn’t have any choice and now they’re dying in a country that denies them a voice and they all have families, and those families live on still proud to be from ‘round here though they’ve got to wake up at dawn to start a ten mile walk or lay in back of a truck to get to work at a job that doesn’t pay them enough and then on top being told that they don’t belong any places ‘cause every color that isn’t beige needs qualifications saying latin-american african-american asian-american to people who’ve never set foot outside the nation don’t get me started on native american look up the actual dictionary definition of native verses that i’m killing like they did defenseless children whether smallpox or slaughter, taking these lives by the millions and now they’re scared of a foreigner who’s not even a foreigner makes me want to do some shit - somebody call in the coroner someone sail in a ship, pull it up to the coast start naming states and provinces, start turning people to ghosts put a flag in the ground, spread some deadly disease put the locals to war, get them down on their knees and when they’re dead from the sickness or finished fighting your battles then corral them like cattle, also kill all the cattle burn down the lifestyle and culture even the forest, ignite it this is manifest destiny, i can dream, i can write it let all us modern day north americans see how we like it sins of the now i’m still dreaming i haven’t lost that feeling but i need something more to believe in need something more to believe in i’m still dreaming about a light down the road i’ve been seeing but i need something more to believe in give me something more to believe in from other tyrants’ smoke, we were taking cover searching high and low for a paper mother tryna sow the seeds of a new life in china cove inscribing poems on the walls of barracks disguised as homes clipped their wings and they called it angel island though why would we fly any closer to a coast of violence with no rights to testify against whites barred from business licenses and real estate rights a lot of colonies had salient convictions the uk label was “aliens restriction" mother maple had a head tax fail us an aussie policy literally called "white australia" six decades of a chinese exclusion act had a president executive producing that and 442 came home from war to prove they were fighting for some brutes still trying to shoot a jap and today you’re still afraid and worrying another pioneer is gonna come and take your work again they’ve got entire police forces murdering ny or chi-town, la to ferguson now calling for cameras on coppers and not the kind in the coffers demanding justice and progress when only suffering’s on offer killer in public he’s pious tone down from bigot to bias but in his words and his actions that’s where his prejudice highest they make us work for equality make us slave for equality yeah it’s kind of ironic we have to pay for these policies with our lives and nobody asking are we ok just years of impotent pronouncements from the doj so now we’re brown nosers blowing your white tissue can’t hack a race issue? then take a rights issue you say it’s challenging, yeah man i’m right with you ‘cause we’re both in this for life, let the rice hit you this is a matrimony, it’s indivisible but you try to make individuals invisible you don’t see black and yellow, so now we’re seeing red and i hate it, don’t want to see anymore people dead on either side, i don’t want there to be a side to block it’s up to all of us together, only we decide to stop sins of the now i’m still dreaming i haven’t lost that feeling but i need something more to believe in give me something more to believe in i’m still dreaming martin had a dream about a light down the road i’ve been seeing but i need something more to believe in give me something more to believe in it’s been futile since before the feudal wealth and potential never distributed to the communal every system has controls and every hand has callouses some from the power they hold flogging every message that we might send every speech never speaks to the right gents no ears for the destitute why’s every oppressor surprised somebody’s ready to fight them? this hollow struggle for change to see a slight bend rather than a break from status with every night spent laboring to give women and people of color the right to vote for a selection of white men it’s not my dream to be livid, delivering diatribes can’t repair these relations, we’ll live and die a tribe but still i’m calling for progress ‘cause even crawling is honestly faster than waiting for kings to develop a conscience keep making promises to all of the so-called godless while building nations on a history of violence and conquest so we’ll be scaling the fortress, we’ll be fighting the office and we’ll brandish the truth, though we might not be the strongest bring your army and i’ll bring my heart sling your arrows, i’ll be using them to etch my art you may have trampled us over, you may have knocked us down but there’s a harmony within us that will always resound it’s not a fight to be victors, it’s not a grab at the crown it’s a dream of unity even when we’re kicked to the ground ‘cause even though i have anger my love is limitless loud and the longer it lasts, it grows ever closer the clouds stronger than animosity, that’s why i’m finishing proud ‘cause i have learned from every corner of a menacing crowd we all deserve respect and peace, put your enmity down the songs that i blast, you can’t diminish the sound history marches and i don’t fight for the wrongs of the past but the sins of the now we’re bringing them down so sing with me now i’m still dreaming martin had a dream i haven’t lost that feeling but i need something more to believe in give me something more to believe in i’m still dreaming about a light down the road i’ve been seeing give me something more to believe in
7.
annie, are you okay?
8.
03:16
yeah i've made some mistakes and i carry these scars the shadow on my face and the weight in my heart i'm dreaming of the places i'd rather be always dreaming of the places i'd rather be i don’t want to stay in tonight wanna be under those white stars and black lights black cars, white knights tryna stack far up to these heights of love i might, well i might you taste so good when tomorrow’s light years away i’ve made mistakes, i would like father like son like father like there’s that darkness in the pit of my stomach it’s so loud, and it follows me around that’s the shadow that i live with now yeah i've made some mistakes and i carry these scars the shadow on my face and the weight in my heart i'm dreaming of the places i'd rather be always dreaming of the places i'd rather be and it’s always on my mind i think about it all the time i try to hide it in this smoke but i know it’s waiting there inside yeah i’m always racked with guilt i’m the blade and she’s my hilt no matter how many tracks i kill i know i’ll feel it, i know i will feel it attacking the most when i’m back on the coast stacking this gold but i’m trapped with a ghost messing around with my blessings and now i’m stressing ‘cause i’m counting them up to be less than i hoped i see you in ash-colored dreams pulling the mask at the seams you saw through opaque and you told me transcend it and i didn’t ask what you mean yeah i've made some mistakes and i carry these scars the shadow on my face and the weight in my heart i'm dreaming of the places i'd rather be always dreaming of the places i'd rather be
9.
03:52
days go by like a blur worry about everything, especially her quiet mornings, she starts to stir never met anyone so pure sun keeps rising, stars keep shining can’t hold it together with this love that i’m finding just unwinding that’s what i tell myself but i’ve never been so lost the void so pent up wait, i can’t hardly doing everything that makes me sorry la hipsters, don’t stop the party barkeep, pour another gin and campari i’ve been running these blocks, blocks trying to get away from the talk, talk nothing inside to believe in no clean window you could see in i’m just running from nothing, to nowhere i’m just running i don’t know and i don’t care i’m just running from nothing, to nowhere i’m just running i’m back in the fortress fighting back all the forces that act on me all our paths lead back to black torches all our friends back home get divorces i feel it all fall apart i was scared from before the start we were raised in good places but the world changed and it swept us into the dark sun keeps rising, stars keep shining hearing those sirens coming for her again when she’s on the floor writhing asked why and i couldn’t say it felt like weird timing came out of the blue don’t know what more i could say to you everybody's running from something but what am i running to i’m just running from nothing, to nowhere i’m just running i don’t know and i don’t care i’m just running from nothing, to nowhere i’m just running i want to run through the streets of the city until the city is no more there’s no heart, no hall, could contain this love, no one that was here from dawn of all dawn that we’ve been built upon that was made for wings over the sea that could eclipse the sun
10.
eerie summer take me under you couldn’t be the one i want magic hour tragic power you couldn’t be the one i want now i’m holding on tremble in gloaming cloud nothing was your fault nameless, faceless hiding places you couldn’t be the one i want mortal, coward fictions flower you couldn’t be the one i want aggregated loss churning like kansas winds nothing was your fault nothing was your fault i've been so disconnected nothing was your fault

about

With beds of cutting synths, 808 drums, and samples ripped from YouTube videos, COSMOS is a dark pop/rap album that wrestles with where to find meaning, truth, and belonging. The majority of it was produced over the course of a year that I spent traveling through Asia, Europe, and Oceania, learning a lot about the world and myself, experiencing some of my highest highs and lowest lows. The overarching theme has been to learn to be more vulnerable, with both others and myself. Finding one's place in life necessitates an exploration of one's inner world, and involves a lot of acceptance, and I think that is often accompanied by the realization that everyone's experiences are as different from each other as they are real and complex. Cosmic space is massive, but there is a universe within each of us as well.

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released September 15, 2015

Written, recorded, and produced by Andrew Huang.
Clarinet on 10 by Matvey Kostukovsky.

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Andrew Huang Toronto, Ontario

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